U/S #1 - 5w3d

Yeah, I know. I'm a little late in posting this but oh well! I had my first ultrasound last Friday at 5w3d. I knew it would be too early to see the heartbeat but was still nervous to see if our little love fern was were it was supposed to be. 

I've known too many women that have lost their babies due to ectopic pregnancies and just wanted to be reasurred that I would not end up as one of those statistics. While our little one was in my uterus, my RE did seem a little concerned of its placement. She said they usually like to see them implant a little further away from the cervix but I wasn't in immediate danger where it was. She said they'll keep an eye on it and track its movement. The one thing that is definitely in my favor is that I am still super early and I know things can change once it begins to grow. 

I go back tomorrow for my second ultrasound and Bryan will be joining me this time. We're hoping to see a nice, strong heartbeat and then maybe I'll be able to breathe a little easier and know that this is really happening. I'm still in the surreal world and can't believe I am actually pregnant.

Our Love Fern at 5w3d

The Present That Is No More

Hi, my name is Darcy and I'm addicted to HomeGoods! I said, I'm an addict. That is the first step, right? I went to HomeGoods the other day on my lunch break looking to feed my husband's disturbing addiction to candles. It's my secret place to find Village and Yankee candles at a fraction of the cost. I entered the store and was on a mission. I forced myself to only look for candles and nothing else. I wanted to fill our home with the lovely Christmas scents that we both adore this time of year. Damn, no good ones left. I turned and proceeded to head straight for the exit. I get literally 6 feet from the sliding door to lead me to my car when an aura surrounds a shelf at the front of the store. I'm immediately drawn to what is a display of nothing but baby stuff. There it is, the perfect present for Bryan from our Love Fern (aka baby). It's a gift set of a onesie, beanie and little socks all looking like a football. Look at the price and it's only $8 (reaffirming my love affair with this store). SOLD! Grab the 0-6 months and head directly to check-out. I immediately envision the note that will be placed inside the packaging:

Dear Daddy,

Doesn't matter if I'm pink or blue

I'll wear this outfit just for you!

I put it on the front seat of my car and proceed back to work. I get home and forget that I left it on the floor of the front seat. DH comes home and has to run back out. He grabs my keys and says he's taking my car instead of his truck. As soon as I hear my car start, panic strikes! SHIT...the bag's in the car. I know he would look as soon as he saw the store (thinking it was a candle). He heads to his dad's and then comes home. I immediately ask if he looked in the bag and he says yes. He even showed it to his dad!

One week to go and now the hunt is on again for something from our love fern. 

Telling the In-Laws

For anyone who knows me, they will know that Bryan and I share a mutual love of hockey. My in-laws also share the same infinity for hockey culture as we do (sorry, Elf reference). It's been such a long road to get to this point, we knew we couldn't wait to tell them until the first trimester was over. We had planned to go out to dinner when I was only 4w3d. My original plan was to tell them at Christmas, but we knew they would figure it out if I didn't order a drink at dinner. When I order water instead of my Cosmo or Captain and Coke, the red flag will definitely waive high! 

I bought a Philadelphia Flyers baby bottle back when I was naive and thought I'd be pregnant in a month or two. It was FINALLY time for me to dust it off and give it to my father-in-law (FIL). I wanted to put a picture of our first ultrasound in the bottle but timing once again, was not working in our favor. I was able to have someone "decorate" a picture of my digital test and decided to use that instead. I also wanted to do something for my stepmother-in-law (SMIL) who has been a tremendous support for me through the years. With not having any other relatives living near me, she has always made me feel like a special part of their family. I decided to go to Babies-R-Us and look for a little special something for grandma. I packaged up both of their presents and we made them open them before we even ordered drinks.
 
My SMIL instantly knew what was going on, my FIL, not so much. He couldn't figure out why we bought him a bottle (MEN!). Once he finally figured it out, they both were ecstatic for us knowing what it took to get us the chance to give them their tenth grandchild. I know that there are already 8 girls with only one boy, but I truly am pulling for team vagina on this one. Bryan is all about team Penis as he wants to have his little hunting buddy and future QB like he was. I just keep telling him that is why they make pink camo and she can always be a cheerleader like I was!

As for the rest of the family, we are still planning on telling both sides on Christmas Eve & Christmas. Still trying to figure out the details on how we're going to surprise them all.

A Look Back at My Journey

I'm a little late in starting this new pregnancy blog so I'll try to catch up on the details. I didn't want to start this too soon just in case the ending would not turn out as I planned. The reality is that one out of every four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage so I wanted to make sure I was on my way before I got this new blog started. I want this blog to serve as a journey for the road I've taken and the miracle of life that is yet to come.

It's been a long road to get to this point. Four years of trying (over a year of actively trying including temping, drugs, needles, blood draws weekly and testing all while being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. 

In 2011, I finally mentioned to my OB that we were trying to conceive but nothing was happening. She immediately suggested preconception bloodwork to check all the basic hormones essential for reproduction. I was a little hesitant at first but after realizing that at 34, my time was running out. I did the blood tests and received a phone call at 7:30 am on a Friday morning. Immediately I knew something was wrong. My OB told me that my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) was at 153! The normal range is somewhere around 2-3. She told me that this was a danger level and my body could shut down at any time. She said it was also a miracle that I was functioning at all. I was immediately put on medication to bring my levels to optimal TTC range. It was a frustrating year of trying to stabilize my levels but I knew it wasn't going to be easy with a level that high. In February of 2012, I was finally referred to a my reproductive endocrinology (RE - fertility specialist) to get me closer to my dream of motherhood.

I underwent numerous tests including 12 vials of blood to check for any STD's and genetic abnormalities, a hysterosalphingogram (HSG), and a hysteroscopy.  The tests came back that I had no underlying issues besides my thyroid. 

I will be the first to admit that I was very fortunate to have some fertility coverage through my insurance. Many women have to go through this process with no coverage and are forced to pay for these treatments out-of-pocket. The World Health Organization declared infertility a disease in November of 2009 yet society and insurance companies are still reluctant to view this as a medical disease. The ignorance of many think that this disease is not one of a physical disability but one that is mental. I could go off on this for days, but I digress. My insurance covered most of my treatments except injectable medication and ART (advanced reproductive therapy such as IVF, ICSI, GIFT, etc.). IUI was covered though and I had an unlimited amount of attempts (some insurance companies put a max on the number of procedures).

Rather than go through the details of each month, here is brief summary of the hell I endured to get to this point:

5/11 - Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism: TSH of 153!
2/12 - Referred to RE
3/12 - HSG & Hysteroscopy all clear
3/12 - Clomid 100 mg
4/12 - Clomid 100 mg w/Ovidrel
5/12 - Femara 5 mg w/Ovidrel
6/12 - TSH level FINALLY normal at 0.60
6/12 - Femara 5 mg w/Ovidrel, Promertrium. IUI #1 CP
7/12 - Femara 5 mg w/Ovidrel, Crinone. IUI #2
8/12 - Sanity Break (natural cycle)
9/12 - Sanity Break continued
10/12 - TSH regulated at 0.60, AMH 3.28 & FSH 5.21
10/12 - Femara 5 mg w/Ovidrel, Crinone & Prometrium. IUI #3
11/12 - Femara 5 mg, Follistim 300 iu, Bravelle 150 iu, Low Dose HCG 50 iu w/Ovidrel, Crinone. IUI #4 - BFP

I cannot give enough thanks to my RE for their willingness to work with me even though they knew my funds were limited for my out-of-pocket expenses. In November, I was able to do a combo cycle of Femara and injectables while paying NOTHING for my shots. They gave me ALL of my shots from leftover donated IVF patients that no longer needed their medication.  If it wasn't for those meds, I would not be here today writing about my pregnancy. They saved me in excess of $1,000 for a one month cycle. 

It was on a Saturday morning that I woke up to see the two pink lines I've been longing to see. By Sunday morning, I was able to see the one word that left tears streaming down my face while shaking uncontrollably. It was only at this point that Bryan FINALLY believed me.